Oh I'm afraid he did. He broke. Even though I had a good day, C25K day 3 this morning... I didn't finish work till 8 o'clock tonight... and I was hungry. There was no way I wanted to go home and cook dinner. So... Don't read this, please... I had KFC. Now, before you all give up on me and say, "Well, he's fucked it up now, might as well find a different blog!", I tried to still make a decent decision about the whole fiasco. I was gonna have a Twister, cos they appear healthier, until I was told that the twisters actually have more fat in them than a burger. So I had a regular Zinger meal - No Pepsi - gave that to David. So I was naughty. Chicken burger and chips, but still no soft drink and no sugary sweet and delicious things!
And I feel guilty about it... and I feel a little gross...
So, Anyways, moving on from that.
Damian and I had our c25k Day 3 today. Now, Day 3 is supposed to be the last day of the first week of the program. Well I can tell you now, that's not gonna happen...
Our first "60 second" jog was great - I made it 55 seconds (which is my best so far), but after that I was terrible. My left knee almost felt like it wanted to pop out or fall off or something... and my legs and feet were aching and painful... But I kept trying... so, a while. I didn't finish today program. Out of the 25mins that it was supposed to be, I think I did a total of 15 or 20 minutes.
On paper, week one looks piss easy... In reality, I think it was never designed for someone who is as heavy or me or as out of shape. It's really really hard going. But, that doesn't mean I stopping. I will continue to try and try and try... 'Cause what else can I do?
I'm not giving up on this. I'm not happy or healthy the way I am now. I want to be healthier... I want to be a happier person and my weight stops me from doing things. Not just physical things either. I feel very self-conscious. I don't really like people I don't know seeing me!
How silly is that?
Yeah, it's pretty stupid. But, the majority of negativity that I've ever received about my weight has been from people I don't know OR people I don't know very well.
When I was in Grade 7 (the fat kid) I was walking home from the bus stop and this woman stopped me. This woman was tall and wide, she had a walker frame thing she was leaning on and she seemed to be wearing a lot of clothes and big sunglasses. She kinda looked like a man. Anyway, she stopped me in the street and started telling me that I was too young to be that fat. She said that I will get sick. I will get diabetes and I will die. Of course, I ran home very upset and it upset me for a long long time. Obviously, because I still remember it clearly. So, I ran home upset and ate and ate and ate for comfort... In reality, her trying to help made a bad situation worse. Apparently she's still around in Ulverstone and if I ever see her, I think I will stop her and remind her of what she said to me and what happened after....
And, that wasn't the only time a stranger warned me about unhealthy I was... There was a woman in the band that David and his parents are members of, she decided she should warn me of the dangers of drinking alcohol when you're overweight. She started talking about diabetes and shit too.
Do skinny people think that fat people have never heard of diabetes? Why do they all have to remind me that being overweight and shit is unhealthy? You think I don't know that?
Look, being fat isn't really a choice. But It Is. I chose to eat all those hamburgers and all that chocolate and guzzle down all that soft drink and crap. I chose to do those harmful things to my body.. but, I honestly didn't know how to stop myself. And no one else around me was going to tell me to stop and help me. No one helped me... and I had to wait till I got this big and woke up to myself... And, now I don't have a choice about what I need to do. I need to get rid of all this. I need to do it. I just wish I had discovered this revelation 3 or 4 years ago, when it wouldn't be so hard...
Anyways.. I should go.
Good Night All. Hope everyone is enjoying their Weekend!
Gazzy
5 comments:
Hi Garry dont sweat the burger and chips ask urself what would of have had before? Im guessing its more than you had tonight...u cant deprive ur body of everything all at once so what u had a burger, u also ate well the rest of the day and exercised so I say well done
De xx
Thanks De. You're right. A month ago it would've been a lot more. David had a Dinner for Two and a Nacho Snack Wrap thingy... lol..
Thanks love. xox
Hey sweetie, I love your honesty on your blog. I am glad to hear you're not judging yourself too bad for the KFC slip-up. Setbacks are a part of recovery, that's what I tell myself when I have bad days with my depression, but it still hurts at the time.
It is so unacceptable that those ppl have said those things to you about the consequences about being overweight. In my opinion, the only person who has the right to say that to someone is their GP because it's their job. Anyone else is sticking their noses into other ppl's business and it's so not okay. Do you see these ppl walking up to underweight ppl and trying to educate them about anorexia? No.
Society sucks!
Love Kendra
Hey Gaz, wow did someone in the band really say that? Odd company my family is keeping!! And you do know that the first step to recovering from any type of addiction is admission and you have well and truly done that, publicly and proudly which makes all of us proud of you! Don't let what other people say effect you, as hard as that is, they probably honestly think they are helping in some way or another and hopefully they don't realise they are having the opposite effect or they are just damn cruel!! Nobody is perfect, we all have our faults, its whats inside that counts in the end and I think you are ok :-) I will let you join my family anyway :-) Love meagz xxx
Meagz, Yeah, someone in the band said that... Can't remember who it was... Bitch. Kerry wanted to punch her in the face... but we just got pissed and made David drive us home instead! Thanks for letting me join your family... :) xoxox
Kendra, thanks for leaving comments! I appreciate it. And, I agree... Society sucks!
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