What the fuck?
Well, David and I just got back from our "workout/training" at Daniel's place... Yeah, Nah...
Waste of time. Look, well, those guys have been doing this shit for a while... and David and I have never really ever done anything like what they're doing.. and they were trying to throw us in the deep end. Well, David gave it a decent go... and I watched... There was no way I was going to struggle and shit in front of people I hardly know... I know that may sound really dumb and really stupid... but, there is a reason I've never actually joined a gym. As a fat homo since childhood, I have a mega self-esteem issues or body image issues or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. And getting a room with 2 people I don't know just to fail at everything they throw at me... Nah. So, I passed.. Not interested. If I had the weights and stuff at home, I would use it... Like, the rowing machine.. I've been using that. I'll be watching TV and just get up and have a go while i watch TV.
There are other reasons today is Emo Monday as well. I can't seem to get back on track with my eating either. I just, we've been eating crap the last few days... again! And, what?!? I mean, I can tell you the excuses I tell myself... it's because we have no money.. (I hardly worked cos I was sick, so we seriously have $11 to our names)... so, tonight we're having meat pies. You know what, I know thats not good to eat... but what am I going to do? When we have money it's easy. We can buy chicken or beef or whatever the fuck we feel like... and I can buy veges to have it with and David can buy whatever the fuck he wants to have with it (usually chips or mashed potato or whatever)... but, we can't afford to do that right now... So, we bought cheap pies and thats that....
Tomorrow WAS my first day off in 7 days... but they called me in.. so my next day off is now Sunday... which doesn't give me heaps of time to focus on myself and my lifestyle and whatever. We need to catch up on bills and shit tho, so I'm working and working to try to make it up.
So... overall... I'm feeling pretty shitty... I don't know how we can struggle so much with our finances. Seriously... David works Full Time.. I only work casual, but you know, I make more than I would on Centrelink (most fortnights)... yet, people we know who are dole bludgers (the same ones I talked about before) are able to have these social lives and go on weekend getaways and some of them are druggies.. So How the Fuck do they afford it??? We work a fair bit... we make alright money (not great, but alright) and we can't afford to buy a new TV... we've got a shitty old one, while our dole bludging friends have a big LCD... how? We went on a holiday about 3 and half years ago for 5 days in Victoria - and thats the only holiday that we've ever had. It is so depressing and that makes me want to eat... and the bitch of it all is, when I feel good about myself and I'm not having an "EMO" day - usually I want to crap on those days too... because I'm not that stressed about it all...
So whats the fuckin answer? Seriously... Any suggestions on a life overhaul? I know we need to quit smoking... cos that wastes a lot of our money - but it's also a stress reliever, and we're a bit stressed.. So, I don't know. Maybe once we quit smoking finance will get better... but overall... today, everything just seems to be building up on me and I'm feeling like I'm going to crack..
Emo Over and Out.
Gazzy
2 comments:
Oh you poor possum, now I feel REALLY guilty about our weekend! lol. Life is a struggle...and just when you think you're getting on top of it all, something conspires against you and you're back to square one! It's how you deal with it that is the key. You know my motto is "it could always be worse" and I try to think about all the positives in my life not the negatives (or I'd go insane and get depressed).
And I can't stress enough - don't worry about what other people think...they don't matter! Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't try and do too much too soon or you will get overwhelmed and give up completely!
There, I've had my little rant. Now get out there and show the world what you're made of!
Love ya...Kerry xxxxx
No need to feel guilty about anything love.. :) lol
Yeah, you're right... it could be worse.. and it might get worse yet. We're working on bonus time at the moment at work - we're not on a contract with Telstra yet... so we could all be unemployed anytime..
I was just having a bad night yesterday... mood swings.. must be getting old.. and it happened just before I started my blog.. hence the venting (SORRY EVERYONE!).
I think you're right about doing too much too soon.. I've been trying to change the way I do everything in my life for the last 10 weeks and when things haven't been working out or been as easy as I thought they would be in the last 2 weeks I've just sorta fallen apart and let everything get on top of me and crumble me (a little.. still intact - just crumbly on the edges - like a cookie).
So.. I can do it. I just need some time and some effort (and money helps) and I will get back on track and everything will fall into place!!
Thanks Mum 2!
Gazzy
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