Off the Wagon??

Well.. badness...

Last night after I left my non-blog... my brother had brought around some chips, salt and vinegar... love them... well, for some reason, he bought 2 bags... opened both picked the one he preferred and threw the other bag over to me. Well, I said no... and then I did anyway. I ate some... put the bag away... for about 10 mins... ate some more... put them away for 15mins... and ate some more... Long story short... during the course of a movie and a half (about 2 hours), I'd eaten the whole damn bag of salty goodness...

They were good.

This morning I woke up with that guilty feeling... I ate my Wheat Berry things for breakfast and toddled off to work.. telling myself it's not the end of the world... it's fine...

Got home from work, starving.

Again... badness... I got the deep fryer out and I had wedges for lunch. I didn't smother them in Sour Cream like usual, but it was still a fair amount of fried potato...

And for dinner tonight... a chicken pasta bake. More carbs.

What the fuck?!

Now, I tell you all this because what good would this blog be if lied to you when I did something wrong? The whole point of this blog is be accountable. And that's what I'm doing... but, god I feel like crap about the last few days (or week).

The thing is, it doesn't make sense. Those first few weeks, I felt great. Walking was good. The running was hard, but I was doing it. Leven Canyon almost killed me, but I did it. And for what? Right now, I don't feel like I've achieved anything... I don't feel like I've changed my ways.
And every day I went running before, I was always in the best of moods. I always seem to be feeling the best when my body is a little sore with effort. So, why the fuck aren't I doing that? Why would I come home and eat wedges? Why would I? Are little chunks of oily potato really that important to me?

No. Not really. So, why?

I don't have answers to these questions...but, they're there.

So, I need to get back on the horse. I need to go for a walk or a run or something. I truly felt better after exercise and the last few days, I've felt like a big fat blob of humanity... and I haven't done anything about it! Stupid.

Food is Stupid.

Gazzy