Goals & Rewards...

Let's do the food report first: The usual work-day... mini-wheats for breakfast, latte before work, celebrity slim shake for lunch and beef strog with broccoli and beans for dinner. I bought some fruit the other day (apples, pears and strawberries) but they've been sitting in the fridge, cos I haven't felt like snacking... at least if I do I've got something there that isn't chocolate!

Can't believe I haven't had soft drink for 93 days! That's crazy in my head... we grew up drinking soft drink with dinner EVERY NIGHT... it was our thing... And chocolate was our other thing... we all love it... I've had, maybe, 6 fun size pieces in the last 93 days - I used to eat a whole block after dinner almost every night. It's crazy what I used to eat and I hope that I don't EVER go back to those horrible eating habits. EVER!!!

I've been trying to think of rewards and stuff. They say it's important to set goals and reward yourself for work well done. I decided a while back to reward myself at the first 10kg loss mark - and then every 5kgs. But, I still have NO IDEA what to reward myself with??? I don't want to reward myself with bad foods - because I don't want food to become a reward for everything (Oh, well, I just hung the washing out, I deserve a Mars Bar - that's how Fat Garry thinks you know?)

So, what do I buy or do or what??? Some people have suggested DVDs or going to the movies or buying clothes... All good ideas, but as far as movies go - I go and I buy whenever there is something I want (most the time).. and I still hate buying clothes at the moment - that will be a great reward when I get down to a weight where I can try on clothes at decent shops. Browsing the "Mr. Big" section of Target doesn't feel like a reward.... So... do we have any other suggestions or ideas folks? It's a tough one, right?? I have no idea, but I'm almost at the 10kg mark, so I better put my thinking cap on...

And setting goals... something I convinced myself I didn't want to do. The reasoning for that was I didn't want to feel like a failure if I didn't achieve those goals. I think that was Fat Garry telling Fit Garry that if you don't set goals, you don't really have to try that hard!!! Well, Fat Garry won that one - Fat Garry is a Tricky Bastard!!! So... setting goals. With reductil kicking in and me feeling pretty good about stuff... There is 8 weeks until our big Halloween bash... and I'm setting my first goal - loose 10kg more kilos before Halloween... That's about 1.2kgs a week and means I will have to do more exercise to achieve that goal.

OK... so, my reward for Halloween Challenge success... no alcohol restrictions on the night of the party. If I do not achive the goal - I will limit my alcohol consumption. Either way, I will be careful of my food intake, but we all know, in all honesty - that it's going to be very hard to avoid everything! But all that is 8 weeks away....

For now, I feel happy and focused on all my diet and eating stuff at the moment, but really need to work on motivation for exercise and actually committing to doing some activities. I know this will be much, much easier once the weather has cleared up and I can get outside more...

Alright folks... I'm heading off for tonight. If you've got some reward ideas, I would love to hear them... Any advice, tips, ideas, thoughts, encouragement, abuse... please leave a comment - I will reply...

Good Night...

Gazzy

Happy Father's Day Dad!

So, to start things off... Happy Father's Day to my dad! You're a great support, a great friend, a mentor when I need advice and you know when I need you to be a father. You're a champ and I'm glad that as I've gotten older we've grown closer. I respect and admire you greatly and despite some of our awkward starts to my adulthood, I think we've both grown personally and I think we're closer now because of the "drama" of my coming out. You will always be a positive influence in my life and I appreciate having you close by. Love ya dad!

OK... Now on to the blog stuff.. (I hope dad still reads my blog!)...

Breakfast was, again, mini-wheats. I just love 'em. Coffee before work, which was a bit crap cos my coffee shop isn't open on Sundays :( Then, after work, I drove over to see my folks and brother and sister to spend the afternoon for father's day. Of course, family gatherings = food.
So, we had a small (for us) platter of water crackers, salami, fresh tomato and carrot, brie cheese... etc, etc (You can see in the picture). So, because I'm trying to be strict on the amount of calories I consume (not counting, just being aware) I counted this as lunch and didn't over indulge. I ate 4 crackers with brie and salami... and I picked at little bits of cabana and stuff. I was happy just having that as I know they're high-calorie, but I just can't say no to Good Cheese! Yum! Then, mum made scones... which I just couldn't pass up either. I haven't had scones for, probably, years... so, I had three with a little jam and cream (I forgot to take pictures of them, sorry). And for dinner tonight, I had steak and vegetables. David had half a plate of deep-fried chips and a pile of Satay Chicken. The pictures above are of my meal on it's own... and then a comparison shot of David's plate. I did this because looking at his plate made me freak out a little at the amount of food and how terrible it looked - and I used to eat like that! Yuk!

EXERCISE! It's not only the poor man's plastic surgery... it's something I need to starting doing on a regular basis....

I'm not going to buy the treadmill because a) I'm a bit pov and b) Spring is here and the nicer weather is just around the corner - so I will be much more likely to get out and walk and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air, so the treadmill can wait till it starts to get cold and wet again!

I have ordered a couple of Biggest Loser Workout DVDs from Amazon.com - I've read other people's blogs and reviews on these DVDs and they're very recommended, so I'm looking forward to getting those! I will let you know what they're like when I've got them...

And... the new week is here... Thursday is weigh-in day and one week of reductil. I'm curious to find out how much of a loss I will have this week since taking the drugs - I think I've been doing alright with the eating of the right things and not over-indulging too much. And Friday I'm off to Launceston to get some fitness advice and spend the day with my mum!

That's about it folks. I hope you've all been good to your dad's today!

Please, leave a comment if you like, it's always appreciated!

Y'all come back now, Ya hear!

Gazzy

Saturday Night

Just a quick update tonight folks. It's Saturday night, you know... lol. My brother is here for a visit and I'm really tired and I'm working in the morning, so... yeah.. Big Fuckin Saturday night for me!

Food-wise; Breakfast was mini-wheats. Again, didn't feel too hungry this morning, but since I started this blog 91 days ago, I've realised how important breakfast really is and don't like to go without. For lunch I had a toasted sandwich with ham, cheese and tomato relish on wholemeal bread. Made two, ate one and a half... And for dinner tonight, pasta. I almost succumbed to peer pressure but compromised. They're having pizza from Domino's... I ordered the pasta bowl - in the box not the pastry! So, good for me!! Still feels like naughty take-away, but I worked out that it's 780 calories, where as the amount and type of pizza I would've had would've been almost 2000!!!! Holy Crap!!!! - A fact I happily pointed out to my brother and David!!! lol

Yesterday I felt the dry mouth effect and I felt over-stuffed when I ate. Today I'm not noticing the dry mouth much and I just feel satisfied. Guess I haven't over-eaten today, which is good! I'll keep you posted on all that stuff.

Had visitor's all afternoon since I got home from work... was tempted to head out for a walk, but it kept sprinkling with rain... so, you know... Really wanna get out there and do some exercise and get on with the program!

Anyway, best be off...

Gazzy

Now What... Rewards and Beginnings

So the new program has begun. I'm on the Trim in Six. Website is alright (doesn't seem very active with people)... should get a phone call from a dietitian next week or week after. I gotta keep a food diary of everything I eat, when and how I feel at the time, including a Hunger Score of 1 (being not hungry) and 3 (very hungry).

Another awesome part of this whole "getting a doctor involved" thing is, the clinic referred me to someone for an Activity and Exercise program thing and I get 6 free sessions with this guy... HOWEVER, he is in Launceston and as I am eager to get going, I'm heading back to Launceston next Friday to have an appointment with him! So, not looking forward to the 3 hours of driving (there and back) just to do a bit of exercise, but I want to do what I can, so I'm going... And hopefully we'll work on some stuff I can do every day to get more active overall. Will keep you posted on that...

So, it's day two on the drug and I'm feeling a bit different... for breakfast I had Mini-Wheats (so over Just Right at the moment)... but I didn't feel hungry at all... but, I ate them.. and for lunch I had some leftover pasta crap we had in the fridge, there wasn't that much of it, but I feel fuckin full now... Like, I over ate - when normally I would've eaten that and went looking for something else... So, I'm guessing that either the drug has started working OR I just wasn't as hungry as I thought OR the food was off and I'm going to be throwing up all night! LOL... Fingers Crossed it's the first option, yeah?! And for dinner tonight we had chicken burritos - lots of salad... only ate 2 tried for a 3rd - got about half way through it. Considering I usually have 4... good times!

And I have been drinking lots of water today (like, I usually drink 3x750ml bottles)... One of the side effects is Dry Mouth - and holy jeebus... Water is like my best friend right now!

I've been thinking about my goals and this USA holiday thing... and part of this program is setting realistic goals. I know I would enjoy this holiday if I left tomorrow, but I seriously want to be able to do some stuff over there, that I just can't do PLUS SIZED... and financially, we're not in a great place right now... so I'm thinking of postponing the USA trip till August 2011. The other reason for this is because the big reason I want to go is for the annual Las Vegas Star Trek convention (GEEK, Remember!?) and in 2011 the next movie comes out... so it's more likely that the current stars of the films will be there... I think 2011 is a better goal... I can set a realistic 23 month goal of getting down to a healthy size (I do need to lose about 50kgs) and getting fit so that I can do the Grand Canyon and stuff... Thoughts?? Opinions????

And thats about it for tonight.... Wish the weather would clear up so I could get out and do some exercise and walking and ANYTHING really... I really need to get my treadmill off layby! Damn Money!!!

Good Night Folks,

Gazzy

The Next Step

Today was a mixed day really... Just Right for breakfast, coffee before work, toasted ham and cheese for lunch when I got home... then I was VERY naughty and we had KFC for dinner (I know it is bad, but, it's done... And, yes I feel guilty, but it's been a while...)

It was also weigh in day today... 142.5kgs. That's a Half Kilo loss since last week. Which is pretty good considering.... That brings my total loss to 8.8kgs.. happy with that!!!

And it was the first day of my 'Trim in 6' program. The doctor forgot to tell me just how expensive this Reductil drug really is.. $85 - for a month. I freaked out when I went to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled... I seriously considered not getting them, but I talked it over with my dad and he convinced me of what I already knew... it's worth it, it's for my health. If I'm willing to spend so much money on cigarettes which will eventually kill me and I don't even hesitate... so, hesitating was just really stupid. Dad offered to pay for the first months worth of tablets to help me out and get me started, which is just fantastic! He's a good dad, huh?

I only just got the prescription filled so I haven't even logged into the program's website and started everything yet... will do that once I've finished my blog entry for tonight... I think this program will be a great benefit.. and, despite my bad choice for dinner tonight, I feel good about the weeks ahead..

So, wonderful. That's it for tonight my friends...
Good Night

Gazzy

Back from the Big (well, bigger) Smoke...

Well, what a great couple of days!

Tuesday morning... a little sleep in.. Just Right for breaky, we packed our bags and hit the road for Launceston. (We actually skipped lunch, not on purpose or anything - just kinda forgot about it, lol). So, we arrived... had coffee & a catch up with David's mum. Then we did a bit of shopping... a couple of cheap-o things from Bunnings we needed for Halloween and a little window-shopping. Back to David's mum for a couple of glasses of champagne and a home cooked dinner with Vegies!! We got up nice and early, Celebrity Slim shake for breakfast (I took them with me cos I skipped breakfast last time)... and then we headed over to The Gorge for a walk... was lovely. Didn't do the whole loop around, cos we were on time constraits but we'll defiantely be going back when the weather warms up a bit. So, we stopped at the cafe and had a coffee up there. Was lovely. As you can see, my plan to have weekly photos of myself has started! There I am at The Gorge with David's mum. Then I headed off to the doctor (more on that in a sec) while David went and got a suit for the wedding with his brother. Then a late lunch with Meagz... which was lovely... I forgot to take a pic of the food - so you got a pic of an empty plate... it was a Turkish Bread sandwich thing with sun dried tomatos, chicken, avocado and cheese - yum yum... and of course MORE WINE! Was lovely to catch up and gossip and chat! Had a great time..
Then we came home... we stopped at ETC so I could get a take away coffee, otherwise I woulda fallen asleep in the car I think....

So... Doctor's Appointment. As you regular readers would know, Meagz set up the appointment for me to see a doc who has access to a program called "Trim in 6". Basically it's an appetite suppresant used with a exercise and diet program thing with online and phone access to nuitritionist and dietitians. He said if I was local I would have an appointment every 2 weeks, but because I'm so far away... I call them every 2 weeks to let them know how I'm going and need to go up to Launceston every 4 weeks for updates and checking, etc etc for about 6 months (hence the 'Trim in 6"). So, it sounds great! I haven't read through all the info they gave me or registered online for it yet... but plan to do all that tonight...

With Spring here now... and my new doctor approved plans... I can see silver linings all over the place. The weather isn't exactly great at the moment, but it's Spring dammit, so the sunshine can't be too far away! And when it is, I'll get out more... and do stuff. Dad is keen to explore some old walking tracks we used to visit when I was a kid and I'm keen to walk just about anywhere... so I think the change in season and a couple of great days has put a new spring in my step!

But it is weigh-in day tomorrow, so we'll see how I go... I did drink a bit of wine over the last couple of days... skipped lunch yesterday, late lunch today and I'm so not hungry for dinner tonight... we'll see anyway. I don't much care what result I get in the morning, cos I'm actually feeling pretty good right now! So, fuckin, Yay for Me!

Also planning a big Spring Clean of the house. We've got 2 spare rooms full of shit, not to mention the shed... and it's time to get rid of the shit we don't need. Clutter, clutter everywhere! Plus, the kitchen could do with a good scrub through and clean out.

And, it's only about 4 weeks till the Wine Tour and about 8 weeks for Halloween!! So, some stuff on the horizon to look forward to aswell!

Alrighty, I'm signing off while I'm still on a high...
Thanks for reading... enjoy the photos, leave your comments... I will respond..
Good Night Everyone!

Gazzy

People... People who need People...

We're the luckiest people in the world...



After my last blog entry, I had some great comments, I had a few people who opened up to me and shared and helped in person and in messages and in emails... and I just need to say, that all of you are just amazing, strong and honest people that I just adore. I'm so lucky to know all of you... Some of you, I know better than others, but all of you are just fantastic people that I'm glad I know and I'll tell ya... I need all of you.. and that certainly makes me feel lucky! Plus I got a couple of awesomely big hugs and who doesn't like that?? Hugs are the best, right?

So, there was no posting yesterday.. so I'll get into the food reporting...

Sunday - the usual Just Right for breakfast, Ham and Cheese Sandwich for lunch and my brother was here last night.. and, for the sake of honesty... we had take away.. we had fish and chips.. I know, bad.. I also had a chocolate cupcake. I made them as a test run for Halloween. The picture is above, what do ya think???
TODAY - again, Just Right for breakfast (Need a new cereal, getting bored). For lunch today, I had a little pasta (just a little) with the left over pasta sauce from the other night and mid-afternoon while wasting time at home alone, I had another one of those cupcakes! And for dinner tonight, Beef Strog with Beans and Broc. Yum Yum.

So, a couple of days off work now... Heading up to Launceston tomorrow... we're stopping at the costume shop in Ulverstone on the way to pick up some more supplies for HALLOWEEN. Getting closer.. lol. And, I've got that doctor's appointment on Wednesday - there will be a full report, I'm sure. So, that means there probably won't be a blog entry tomorrow night... but I will take plenty of photos and stuff to keep you up to date...

And don't forget weigh in day is Thursday - could go either way really... Usually Launceston means big lunch, delicious dinner and a few drinks... and skipped breakfasts and did I mention the few drinks... and coffee... oh god, coffee... I love it. But, I guess that's one of the reasons I love going over there... not to mention catching up with David's Family who have TOTALLY adopted me... sorry, David, I think they like me better! (Not that they would admit it!) KIDDING!!! It is great to see them and I'm really looking forward to it!

AND... I forgot to mention work... Well, we got a contract. So, we'll be in business for at least 3 more years.. but we lose the sock puppet and we'll be doing the free one... and we'll be working 24 / 7 when this new contract kicks in... but, work is work and pays the bills... But, I tell ya. We better be allowed to have coffee at our desks if they want us to work overnight!!!

I was having a chat with a friend today about my blog and life and some issues and blah blah. And my friend suggested publishing a weekly photo of myself... according to my friend, it may help with the whole 'getting myself' out there thing, as well as motivate me to lose weight for the photos and probably encourage me to get out of the house, at least once a week, cos who wants to see a photo of me sitting at the computer every week. This sounds like a good plan to me... so, I will get a snapshot while I'm in Launceston and will start this weekly photo when I get back... So, stay tuned to check me out! lol...

Before I go, I just want to say THANK YOU again to everyone who replied or contacted me over the weekend and today... You are all incredible!!

Gazzy

Time to Wake Up

What's stopping me? I've been good today... but when people really want to lose weight they go at it hardcore... they start counting calories, eating muesli, jenny craig, join the gym, protein shakes... People that are really determined to shed the kilos do all these things to ensure that they have a plan and fuckin stick with it! What the fuck am I doing? I mean, I am slowly losing kilos by changing my diet... but a) it's slow and b) am I changing it that much anyways?

I mean, we still eat the same crap... I just don't eat it with chips or I eat it with less rice or pasta or something. I should be making some DRASTIC changes. I should be having protein shakes and vegetable stir-frys and shit that is actually GOOD for me... not eating just the stuff that isn't BAD.

And exercise... why the fuck didn't I join the gym when I could afford it? Why?

After a reasonable amount of soul searching... I think the reason I don't want to change too much or do all these things that much is that I'm scared.

I'm scared of what will happen if I fail? I'm scared of what will happen if I succeed? Will I be a different person?

I also think I haven't commited to myself properly. There's that whole "You need to love yourself" thing that I have trouble with. I mean, I don't hate myself... don't get me wrong. But I am VERY far from comfortable with myself - and I've never been comfortable with myself.

I've never been the type of person who enjoys going out to pubs or nightclubs... I always had an excuse to not go out too. I don't wanna go to a straight club... I hate the music (I have taste)... It's too crowded... I have to do something in the morning... I hate being around drunk people...

It was all bullshit excuses to not go. (SORRY to all those people that kept trying to convince me to go out over the years). The real problem with going out to nightclubs is... people can see me.

And that's the problem with everything else too. I didn't join the gym cos people would see me. I don't go out because people would see me. I've let my friends drift away from me... people that have meant a lot to me... People that wanted the best for me and tried to encourage me and be supportive and a lot of the time I've rejected that encouragement and support because it seemed too hard for me to do.. and it would mean I couldn't hide in my shell at home.
So, now, I go to work - a call centre, which lends itself well to people that like to hide. We're not in the general public. People don't walk in off the street. I feel safe there... and I feel safe at home with David who makes me feel safe and loved and charming and funny and attractive. And those are the most special feelings to have. And I feel so 'safe' at home with him... that I've let so many other things, opportunities and people fall away... I've built myself a protective barrier so as not to get hurt by the idle insults of the general public and to shield myself away. I don't have to put myself out there and risk being rejected or failing because I'm padded here.

I would love to go to school and study psychology... but what if I'm too dumb?
I would love to go into business with my brother and open a shop... but what if we fail?
I would love to go on my big adventure holiday... but what if I get on the plane and the seats are too small.. and will I actually do anything... I want to be involved and adventurous and explore, not sit in my air-conditioned car and watch San Francisco from the safety of my car. I want to wander the streets, drink coffee, meet people... But, would I do it? I don't do it here, what makes me think I would do it there?

And in my head... all these things are do-able if I was thin... In my head, I would be a better student if I wasn't so fat. I would have a better holiday if I was thin and attractive... I would Which is all rubbish... I need to live like I love myself and maybe then I will...

So I need to learn to be comfortable with myself as I am now... I need to convince myself that being thinner (or less fat) is not going to change me psychologically. If I am the kind of person that is unhappy with myself and so comfortable in my shell with that unhappiness, then being thin just means I will take up less space in my shell. It's my mind and my personality and ME as a person that is on display to everyone and I am friendly and compassionate and reasonable and responsible for my own actions and I need to take control of my life and be a better man for my own sake... and to hell with the effects on other people's lives. I need to do this for myself and get over the fear and commit to being a healthier, happier Garry!

Oh God...

Gazzy

A late night report...

Sorry I'm so late tonight... I'm about to head to bed actually.

Food Report... Just Right for breakfast, Noodles for lunch and we had honey mustard chicken for dinner - I didn't eat all the rice... way too much...

Need to get to Priceline and get some more Celebrity Slim shakes and shit... cos I'm running low. Working in the morning, so will probably have my last one for breakfast. Gonna try to stick to the plan of having a shake for either breakfast or lunch - I think that'll work the best...

Should I be counting calories?

Obviously, when I make better choices and actually get out and do some exercise, I can loose weight.. but with the weather being so bad and not getting enough exercise and shit, maybe I should be counting calories... or doing the weight watchers points thing?? Hmmm...

Anyway... I'm heading to bed... work in the morning...

Good Night everyone!

Gazzy

Catch Up with the Weekly Weigh In

So this yesterday's catch up post.... The Weekly Weigh In...

Yesterday morning... I weighed in at... 143! That's a 1.3kg loss since last week. So, my new found focus seems to be working... That brings TOTAL LOSS to 8.3kg... and that's the lowest weight I've been since I started... so I am TOTALLY Back On Track!!! And it's only going to get lower from here... let me hear ya say "Yee-ahh!"

Food wise... Celebrity Slim shake for breakfast. Ham, Cheese and Relish bread roll for lunch and dinner at mum and dad's last night - and they had hosted another Mexican Night. Note the lack of Tequila!!! I didn't eat much of it and what I did eat I made sure had lots of lettuce and tomota to fill me up! (Also, notice in the pic I have my water! - lol) So, pretty good really. Happy with all that stuff.

Another day off work today... bugger really. Next week's roster is kinda light too...Oh well. What can you do? But, I'm also having 2 days off to go to Launceston... so, you know...
Now, this doc in Launceston is going to help me with weight loss...so, I will totally fill you all in on whats going on with that!?

So... a lazy day with a sprinkle of housework ahead... 1.3 kgs lighter... and I think I'm caught up!

Have a great day... I'll be back tonight!!

Gazzy