Emotional Eating

So, as you can tell from the title... I want to talk about emotional eating. I've touched on this before when I've felt the need to binge on crappy food after a bad day but during those 5 days off last week there was such a dramatic difference in motivation and self control that I was a little bit shocked on how extremely my mood can alter my commitment to my health. Crazy. While away for those few days, it wasn't hard for me to not over-indulge and to choose better options - I was more active and felt good and maybe even a little more confident. On the drive home from Launceston, David and I talked about how I can change habits and more forward in a more active & healthier way. It felt like a whole new kick-start, like I felt when starting this blog... And the next day, I went to work... my first caller was a bitch. And for the 8 hours after her the stupidity of people and the rudeness and arrogance of these customers was incredible. I also had some financial issues that were pressing and needed to be addressed... and basically - it was a bad day... and I broke and binged. We had KFC that night... and the decision to buy it felt good... the actual eating of it was good... the taste the smell... all those triggers that we look for from food were there... and it was wonderful. Until after... After we ate and those gnawed on chicken bones were left sitting in that greasy cardboard and I looked at those empty containers I thought to myself, "What the hell was that about??" Really??

So what was it about? Obviously I need some positive emotional reinforcement from somewhere... and I was trying to get that positive feeling from a box full of deep fried chicken. Why would it be there?? Why do I think that eating is going to make me feel better? Usually I feel gross and disappointed after I eat it... but while I'm eating it, it's so good... So how do I stop this? What am I missing? 

Therapy?? Is that the answer? Or hypnosis? Maybe one of these options can flick the switch inside my head that makes me do things... Maybe... I dunno... 


It seems more and more that my blog has become a place for me to complain and bitch and put up excuses for not doing anything... Which sucks!


I'm even thinking about doing a fitness course or a nutrition course or something... I mean, surely learning about how the body works with these things I would learn what is good and bad for me... You know what I mean?? Well, it's an idea... what do you think??


Alright, well... I just wanted to talk about that stuff. I will be back soon with a proper update or something... please leave any suggestions you may have in the comments...?? 

Gazzy

Power-Holiday Catch Up

Well my 5 day 'Power-Holiday' was wonderful but seemed to go so so fast... But let's get straight into the big daily catch up on food and activity...

Saturday (6th) - Day 1... well I spent the whole day watching Star Trek and doing housework.. I listened to some music & I read a bit... I basically was a lazy bastard all day long and it was wonderful... However, a day of watching Star Trek does not make for a fascinating blog entry... How many of you would be interested on my opinion of the use of the Borg in Star Trek Voyager? Probably not many of you... so we'll leave it alone. 


Sunday (7th) dad, grandma and I headed over to the Penguin Market. Nothing much changes there does it? But, again... it is nice to be out of the house, so we walked around the market for a while and then headed over to Ulverstone and had lunch at RA's. Was yummy... I maybe not have picked the healthiest item on the menu (Carnivore Pizza) but I did order the small size - and it was still a struggle to eat it... I spent the afternoon up at my folks place catching up with mum and my sister for a while... was a pretty good day...

Monday (8th)... We drove to Launceston in the morning and the rain was So So So Bad... We could barely see out of the windscreen. I'm thinking to myself the concert is going to washed out... we're going to be standing in the pouring rain for 6 hours and it's going to be horrible... We should turn around... this is gonna be bad!!! So, we got to Launceston and the time came to head out to Josef Chromy Winery and the rain stopped and the sky started clearing up! A miracle! By the time David Campbell came on stage around 4... the sun was out and it was HOT! Tom Jones hit the stage around 6 and sung for just over 2 hours and it was wonderful!! Sitting out in a winery in the sun, drinking wine, eating cheese and snacks and soaking up the wonderful sounds of Tom Freakin' Jones! Was such a marvellous fabulous day...

Tuesday (9th) was David's 26th Birthday! Happy Birthday!! We spent the day catching up with David's brother & his wife... and then David's mum took us out for a delicious meal at the Cock 'N Bull... a few glasses of scotch & a $80 win on the pokies later... we made it home... 

Wednesday (10th) we had to come home. But first we went out for breakfast at Cuccina (THE best place for breakfast!!)... with David's sister Meagan! (Hi Meagz!) Bit of gossip and some massive and awesome food later... we hit the shops! Did a little bit of shopping because, it's not like we're flowing with cash... but you know... And after another mid-afternoon coffee & gossip with David's folks it was back on the road again for home... Got home a little late and were naughty and got take away for dinner - but who really wants to cook after that kind of day?!?! So we watched a movie called 'Fanboys' and went to bed... 

Thursday (yesterday) was weigh in day - 145kg exactly... a 0.9kg loss from last week!!! Wowsers! With all the excess of the last few days I was kinda expecting a gain... but nope!! Must've been all that walking around and doing stuff! But then it was back to reality which means BACK TO WORK! Erk... My 6 hours shift seemed to go for 10 and it was bad... People are so arrogant and rude and so very stupid. Why can't people just be nice?? I mean, I know that automated machine is annoying... but, seriously... Is it MY fault it's there? Can I change it or remove it? Is it my fault it offered you the Commonwealth Bank when you asked for the Police Station?? No.. It's yours.. because you DON'T LISTEN to the instructions the machine gives you!!! If you use the machine properly it would probably fucking work!!! FUCK!!!

And today... well, after my very stressful six hours back at work I had another day off!! Lazy I know.. but, what can you do? So I watched a movie I've been meaning to watch for a while.. Milk. Anyone seen it? No, DO IT! It's a biographical movie about Harvey Milk and it is really really great! Harvey Milk was the first openly gay man to be elected into public office in the US. I had heard his name and knew he was an important gay politicial.. but his impact on society in the 70's was incredible. If you haven't seen it, watch it and let me know what you thought of it... if you have already seen it... what'd you think?? 


So I haven't done much today at all... I've done a little bit of housework and been inspired by that movie and not much else at all... 

I'm going to leave you tonight with a request... Please leave a comment and tell me what your favourite movies are and why and what feeling do they leave you with?? For example... I love the movie 'The Laramie Project'. It's a true story and the dialogue used in it are the actual words from people in the town of Laramie who are interviewed after a horrific event happens there. Knowing that the story and the words are real (even though it's actors speaking them) just gives me this sense of injustice and anger and sadness... There are other examples I could use I guess, but I would love to know what movies make you feel something lasting?? Or is it just me that takes movies so seriously?? :P 

Gazzy

Weigh In Panic...

Day Late Weigh In... OMG... It's a bad result... worse than I thought, but given the horrible food and inactivity all week... I guess I shouldn't be so surprised... It is a wake up call to get back on the wagon though... so here's goes... truth time... 145.9!!!!! A 2.6 kg GAIN since LAST WEEK! OMG... That is a lot of weight to gain in a week... I'm very disappointed with myself... but it's done and I need to focus on getting things right from now on...

OK... well... Tonight is only a very quick update... I'm very excited I have a small break from work of 5 days... Going to Launceston for 3 days... which will just be lovely... But for now, David's waiting for me... and I better get off here... just wanted to update with the weigh in... Feel free to leave a comment about how terrible I am... I know, I know... it's BAD BAD BAD!

Gazzy

 

OMG! I Totally Forgot!!!

I Totally forgot that today was weigh in day... all my days are mixed up because I worked on the Tuesday which my day off every week... PLUS, I'm getting old and I forget things (well, you know...) So I'll do my weigh in tomorrow instead... oops! Sorry... my bad! So, let's get into the food report and stuff... but, don't hit me. I slept in this morning and totally skipped breakfast... but I had an early lunch break and I have my usual toasted sandwich with chicken, sun dried tomato, avocado and cheese on wholemeal bread... (known as the 'Toasted Garry' at Cafe Bliss) and an extra large latte as usual! And, work wasn't too bad today so I didn't go on a binge when I got home (phew!)... and we chucked some meat on the barbie tonight with some salad - yum yum!!

And that's the food report... Do you know what the biggest food challenge for me is? Night time snacking. After we have dinner... and everything is done for the day, we're sitting watching a movie or whatever and we snack... David opens some chocolate cos he's an addict and I'll usually eat something. I tried replacing the bad snacks with better snacks and that works fine... instead of eating a bowl of full-fat fully-delicious ice cream I've been having weight watchers ice cream sundae things... I've had different fruit salads, tinned and fresh fruit... I've been eating this low-carb, low-fat chocolate alternative stuff... which kinda just tastes like cheap chocolate with these fake nuts in it... Don't great... But when I run of these 'replacements' I can't resist the urge to just eat the normal snack junk... I can't help myself... For some reason I feel the NEED to eat at this time of the night... Even if I feel full as and stuffed from whatever we have for dinner - I just feel the absolute desperate need to munch and snack and chomp and consume... it's horrible. 

Now add this night cravings thing to the emotional eating I talked about last time plus this total inactive lifestyle I seem to have developed sometime in primary school... and I'm a case book example of what-not to do.... Not that this makes me feel depressed or bad, because this is how I've always lived... It's not like I used to run marathons or play sport and now I don't... I've never been any different... and I think that's why it's so hard for me to change... To become that person that is more active is to change everything... I don't know what I'm trying to say or if I'm explaining it at all... but hopefully you can understand what I mean... 

But anyways... Thank god it's Friday tomorrow... for some reason I feel fucked... I really need a break... Everything seems to be coming to a head lately... I've been stressed about work and money and just can't see a light at the end at the moment... but, I'm excited about having a few days off after tomorrow.... especially Monday! So Exciting!!

Alrighty Folks, I'll be back tomorrow with the weekly weigh in - Good or Bad!

Gazzy

Emo Wednesday

 

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I'm an emotional eater. What I eat and how much I eat really depends on my mood, what kind of day I've had and what I'm doing just before or planning on doing after dinner. It seems that the customers at work get to me more and more every day... and in the last few weeks I've had more bad days than good... and it's effecting me more than I realised until today...

Today was just one of those day where the stupidity, arrogance and abuse from the customers really got to me and made me more and more frustrated every hour of my shift. So after 8 hours of crap I finally got home and had a bit of a binge on chocolate - didn't go too crazy, but just not a good indication of why I eat. And as if that wasn't enough... when it came time for dinner... well, the call of McDonald's was just too great... which was definitely counted as a Way Too Big of a binge... for the first time ever I counted the calories of my meal (after the fact!) and in one sitting of McDonald's food I consumed approx. 1922 calories!! Almost 2000 calories in one fucking go! What the fuck is that about?!?! 

I think it's pretty obvious that I need to figure out a way to stop myself from eating for emotional reasons... it's something I was aware of before but didn't think that much of it... But I have to admit that this is an issue for me and needs to be fixed, but I have no idea how to combat this. I'm assuming the best way to address this would be to find something that is emotionally rewarding to me that can replace the need to eat crappy food. Maybe I should use the boxing bag and punch out my frustration... walk away that kinda depressed low-feeling... Surely something that is a positive action towards my health would be a mood enhancer right?? 

Well, that's my Emo Wednesday confession... If anyone reading has any advice, I'm totally open.. and thanks to those that leave comments... I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my posts... 

Gazzy

Just Another Day....

Good Evening

Well it was a pretty uneventful work day today... my back has been playing up for about a week. It's been coming and going for a year or so and I've been to the doc a couple of times - and they basically just say 'Get Over It'... so I guess I just have to live with it. I know if I lost some weight it would help with my back pain - not to mention a lot of other health related issues I guess. It's just so hard to stay motivated.

The good thing about even starting the blog is that I got rid of a couple of bad habits right from the start... I try never to skip meals and I don't drink soft drink at all (except occasionally mixed with scotch - but that is rare!) So, despite my weight not falling off me lately like when I started the blog, it also hasn't ballooned up to some crazy weight or even back up to where I started at 151.3.... so it's not all bad!


So today I was at work and my back was killing me... and I just couldn't get the pain to go away - took the pain killers, tried to stretch my back (without looking like too much of a dickhead) and I just couldn't sit there, I had to go home... so as bad as it is... I had to leave work on my lunch break, which sucks... When I got home I went for a little walk to loosen my back up and moved around to try to help.. so it's feeling a bit better now... Don't know if it's the moving and walking or all those pain killers - but, either way...

 








Let's get to business... this morning I had Nutri-Grain for breakfast again, 2-min noodles for lunch today and for dinner (please don't hit me!) Garlic Chicken with chips - I know, I know... And I'm not going to start trying to justify myself or give excuses... i had chips - deal with it. 


So, I've been saying how I want to get back on track and get this weight-loss thing cracking again like when I first started... and I tell you, every night when I go to bed I tell myself to get up earlier and go for a walk... and when that doesn't happen I tell myself to go for a walk after work - just do it... and when that doesn't happen and I'm snuggled up on the couch watching a movie with David, I tell myself tomorrow will be a different day and I go to bed telling myself to get up earlier and go for a walk... and the cycle is repeated... So, what's different? What in my mind has changed from June when I was walking and eating right and did the Leven Canyon walk that almost killed me... and started a running program and kept at it and really trying... What's different? 


Usually I try to answer those types of questions, but I just don't know what's different. I don't know why I'm procrastinating about all this... I don't understand myself... Is that bad?? I don't know... I don't know how to change my ways... Perhaps just forcing myself to do something every day will form a new habit... I don't know... Suggestions? Ideas??


Speaking of Suggestions... Does anyone have an ideas for the blog itself? I'm very open to any suggestions or ideas on regular articles/topics or feedback at all... so please, leave a comment... 


Any I might leave it there for tonight, because My Kitchen Rules is on and I keep getting distracted - love that show... really must have a dinner party because I have plenty of serving ware and rarely get to use it... Any volunteers to be guinea pigs to my cooking skills?? Thought not... 


Good Night All... 

Gazzy

Monday Soap Box

Holy Crap... it's March!! Is it just me or does 2010 seem to be flying??

Let's get down to business... the Food Report! Saturday - was a work day for me, Nutri-Grain for breakfast, no lunch and pizza for dinner... bad bad, i know.. but I'm being honest, so deal with it! Yesterday was a day off & I went over the Ulverstone Festival in the Park for the day. Was nice to be out of the house and not at work! I skipped breakfast, but of all the unhealthy and deep fried choices at a festival like that, I had a venison souvlaki for lunch... it was mostly lettuce with a little bit of venison but was good all the same. Then last night we went to my folks for dinner because my grandma is over from Victoria for a 6 week visit... so we had a little birthday gathering for her last night... lasagna and salad and a bit of birthday cake for dessert - I'm a sucker for a sponge! And, so that brings us to today... Nutri-Grain for breakfast, coffee before work, left over pizza (only 3 slices) for lunch and Dave's Noodles for dinner tonight. NOT BEING DIRTY... It's a legitimate stir-fry noodle take away place, not a reference to David's... well, you know... Oh! Was I the only one that went there??? SORRY!!!
So, that's that... there you go... Not great, but you know... 


Now for some bitching, as usual... 

So, this is gonna sound petty or stupid, but it bugs me. Sometimes at work people say 'thank you and god bless'. I find this incredibly rude. It's mostly old people and I know they're just trying to be nice and whatever, but it's rude. They don't know what religion I am or if I follow a religion at all... if I was a satanist, would they like me to end a call with "May Satan follow your children through life" or even Mohammad bless or whatever religious reference I like?? I mean, this very simple gesture of politeness just seems very rude to me. It's just rude to assume anything about me.... 

One time I had a guy call up, probably in his 30's I reckon and he asked for Scissor Sisters in Queensland (i think) it was a hairdresser. It did come up straight away so I tried to make small talk and said to him "that's a band isn't it?" He said, "Yeah, a faggot band." So I learnt to keep my mouth shut and just get on with it... 
The only thing I assume about people is that they're slightly intelligent... but usually I'm proved wrong! 
OK... I'm done... that was my bitch! The end!


So, what else has been doin? Well, not much at all really... We're only 8 months away from Halloween... and I think it's going to be big this year... I think I mentioned we're having a Carnival this year... We've been researching what we want to have and the best and cheapest way to make things. I think it's going to be a lot of fun this year... 


Does anyone know what's happening with this internet filter?? Or this internet ombudsman?? I saw on Sunrise all this stuff about people leaving offensive comments and stuff on certain Facebook pages about that girl that was murdered and that people were demanding an ombudsman to monitor and control what content people are leaving.... 


OK... I understand that the people leaving these messages are the lowest form of scum. It is horrible to think that people would do this... but they do it. People are like this... and I think it's the responsibility of the people that host these websites, pages, forums or whatever it is, to monitor their sites and delete this they think are inappropriate. Do we really need a government authority to dictate what we can and can not do online? If you're offended by something or are disturbed by something you find online... close it, don't look at it... whatever... block it from your personal computer... Are we really to the point that we want a government to filter the whole countries access to information?? China has a internet filter, but they're communist... I thought the whole idea of Freedom was exactly that... Freedom to view/read/learn whatever we want... 


I'm off the Soap Box now... I'm sorry... 

Alright... That's me for today... I'll be back tomorrow night! Have a wonderful Monday night! xoxo

Gazzy