Weekend Update with The Green Hornet

The new year was meant to be a motivator to get some shit done.. and so far, that motivation has come and gone faster than the speed of light.. Some days I'm on target, some days I don't give a fuck. And on the days I feel 'on target' I get so frustrated with myself about the day before. I must be schizophrenic.

I was planning on doing weight watchers - but lack of funds has prevented this for the time being. But I must be crazy because in my head.. If I do do exercise, if I go for a walk, that means I can eat some chocolate or have dessert or whatever. WHAT?!?!? Well, that's not gonna get me far.. So I need to work on the FOOD intake. I need to control and monitor everything that I'm eating. Which is easier said.. Which is why I wanted to do weight watchers. Rules, guidelines and a point system. That sounds good to me. Plus, the fact you have to weigh-in in front of people.. I share my weigh in's and stuff on the here.. but that's different.

But food is my issue and it always has been.. And I really NEED to control myself more... What's the best way to do that?? I dunno. I guess it's different for everyone.. Some people use Weight Watchers.. Some use Jenny Craig and just buy their food, some people use those meal replacement shakes with some success - until the stop. Some people just count calories, which I guess is kinda the same as weight watchers.. and then there are people like me.. That keep telling themselves they're going to do the right thing and struggle to actually get around to doing it...

I read somewhere the only thing that stops you from achieving something is Fear. And once you identify that fear and deal with it... You can achieve anything... So, what the fuck am I afraid of?? Ummm.. well, I don't really know.. Maybe that's my problem?

I've always been "plus-size" and I guess if I'm afraid of something it's that if I lost all my weight I wouldn't be me anymore. This might sound SO dumb.. but my size has always been a part of me and shaped how I act and how I do things. It's also been a defence mechanism.. I can't do that or do this because I'm fat.. Am I making any sense?? My weight is not just on my body... my weight has helped me put up some shields. I never used to go out to nightclubs or whatever when my friends did, I never talked to that cute guy at the gay social thing when I was younger, I never applied for that job because people would see me. My weight helped me isolate and protect myself from the outside world.. and I think if I lost the weight, I might be forced to join society. And I wouldn't know how to do that anymore. Is this making any sense at all??

We all get into our own ruts.. our lives are what we make of them.. and for 28 years I've been the fat-friendly-gay-guy. He doesn't socialise much, but he seems nice and always smiles and has something nice to say..

My self identity is partly tied into being plus-size. It's not just the actual fat itself, when I think of myself as a person I think of myself as that FAT-friendly-gay-guy.. and it's kinda inseparable from the rest of my identity. I guess losing the weight would be like chopping off a leg.. I wouldn't recognise myself and would I be the same person??

Wowsers.. this is what happens when I just type what I'm thinking...

I just read that back to myself.. and I guess that makes sense. I'd never thought about it like that until I started writing.. but, that makes sense to me. And that's kinda depressing...

Sorry to get so emo on you all, but it honestly was an accidentally emo moment.

But to lighten the mood... here's the next 'Gazzy in Tazzy @ the Movies' webisode. Sorry for the delay on this one folks, but I hope you enjoy..



Gazzy.

Gazzy In Tazzy @ the Movies: Burlesque

Hey everyone
Please remember this our first "At the Movies" thing and I don't think we articulated or opinions as well as we did when the camera was off.. but it's our first try at this, so please forgive us for that.. and we'll be back for another one soon..




Gazzy

Can You Believe This??

These floods are crazy bad... When you think summer, floods are not the first thing to come to mind... It is such a bad situation, 9 people are dead, 60+ people are missing.. and what can we do??

I'll tell you what we should NOT do.. In the newspaper the other day, there was talk about food costs rising across the country because of the damage and isolation caused by the floods and a man had written in to those opinion letter section.. and this is exactly what he wrote, "With food prices predicted to rise by up to 50% due to the devastating floods in Queensland and New South Wales, I wonder if our Prime Minister will give pensioners and the unemployed a one off hardship package to allow them to eat until food production normalises. Probably not. She needs to keep all the government reserves in case Indonesia needs another hand out or the Pollies need another pay rise."

Well, look.. I can understand this could be an issue.. but at a time when people are dying, people are missing, families have lost everything... There is SO much suffering and this guy, sitting in his home in Tasmania.. unaffected by flood waters except for the possible food price increase.. is sitting is his Dry living room writing a letter like this, using the flood as political ammunition. Is it just me, or is this pathetic??? How about some Hardship payments for those AFFECTED by the floods.. Those people that are homeless and the food and drinking water is running out - How about instead of giving money to the unemployed in this time of crisis.. we demand they give money to the PEOPLE in CRISIS or fund some emergency services people from other states to come and help.. You know what I mean...

I know people can be selfish, but this is unreal. I can't understand how a person even thinks about his own food prices when something so bad has happened.. Some of the people up in Queensland can't even get to food.. I don't mind paying a little extra on my food.. I'm so so lucky to have a roof over my head, some food in the cupboards, milk in the fridge and knowing my loved ones are safe. I'm so so fortunate and my heart truly does go out to those who don't know where their loved ones are... We were upset when our pet went missing for 2 days.. I can only imagine the devastating emotions that come with a missing family member or partner.

That's all I really wanted to say.. All my best wishes to everyone up there in the middle of the disaster zone. Fingers crossed we've heard the last of the fatalities.. We'll have to think of a fundraiser or something.. It's crazy bad..

Gazzy.

Friday Update!

So, it's been a week since the new year. Just so you know, the next video will be up on the first or second of February.

But I'm here to give you a “weekend” update, so.. what's been doing?? Well, over the last 4 nights I've been out walking three of them. Our pet ferret, Stinky, managed to escape (we think the neighbours had something to do with it) so those first 2 nights of walking were long, long walks trying to find the little fella. No luck from us... but we did find him. Someone a couple of blocks away from us called the RSPCA and they came and got him and looked after him for a night. They put an ad in the paper - luckily a friend of mine at work saw the ad and knew to let me know - and we got him back. Thank goodness. He's a stinky little bastard.. but he's adorable.. And we've had him for quite a long time now...

So, anyways... so 3 nights of walking and a big swim with Hannah in the first week, but once again my calorie intake (nice way of saying Stuffing Face Like Fat Pig!) has been too high and I've actually Gained weight this week. In reality, I have not really focused on what I've been eating... or making sure I eat when I should. In fact, most of those days was no food, no food, no food.. pig out at end of day. And I think that's one of the biggeest problems I have. The advice everyone has given me over the years has always been the same. Eat smaller, healthier, more often. So week 2 (the current week) is Food Focus Week. I'm taking photos of everything like I used to and trying to eat less.. more often.

I remember posting on the blog a long time ago about how strangers feel the need to tell fat people they are fat.. I think I told you about the old woman who when I was in grade 6 or 7 stopped me in the street to tell me I would get diabetes and die. The woman about 4 years ago who at a band function with my in-laws who told me I shouldn't be drinking so much champagne because of the calories and I'll get diabetes and die. 2 years ago, the young couple walking behind me sniggering at the fact my shoelace was undone and I was too fat to tie them... And just 2 nights ago.. while walking along the highway.. someone yelling out their car window "Fat C*nt!"

I don't know what goes through these peoples heads before they open their mouths. I mean, I could ALMOST understand those first 2 examples. Perhaps they've lost someone close to them due to weight related issues.. or whatever. I still don't think that gives the right to say something to me. The only people I want to hear stuff like that from is people who actually give a crap about Me.. Personally.

And I can't say I've never joked about someone on the street because of how they're dressed or whatever.. but I make sure I'm somewhere they can't overhear me and usually it's about something like what they're wearing or doing - which is totally easily controllable and they just don't care.

Even at Christmas time, I mentioned to someone I was going to start trying to loose weight again in the new year and the response I got was, "Have you tried just not eating?". I told David this and he said something about having to eat to live.. But that's not what she meant, was it?

These people - lets call them Fat Bigots - have the belief that all fat people do is eat and eat and eat and eat and eat constantly. What she was trying to say was 'You must eat a lot of crap to be as fat as you.. Maybe you should stop stuffing your face with sugar and eat a goddamn salad'.

And my point again is.. this person doesn't know me.. Had never seen me eat ANYTHING and has seriously no idea of my dietary habits... So, why the fuck would she comment at all? Considering I wasn't talking to her anyways, the only comment that would've been appropriate would've been "Good for you," or just SILENCE..

So what gives people the idea they have the right to comment on the lives or choices of strangers AT ALL.. Not just relating to weight. I WOULD NEVER make a comment about anyone when I didn't know the situation.

But anyway... I think you all get my point so I should just shut the fuck up. Sorry.

So, there was going to be a 'Movie Critic' video tonight, but had to delay.. stay tuned Next Thursday for that video. It's going to be a new regular Gazzy In Tazzy feature... Gazzy in Tazzy At The Movies..

Apart from that, I'll be back next week for another update.. Might start a Gazzy In Tazzy Facebook page so people who wanna follow can be notified when there's an update. I'll let you know what happens with that..

Anyways, I'll be back soon..

Enjoy Yourself,

Gazzy.

It's 2011

Can you believe it's 2011 already?? What the frak happened to 2010?? Wowsers..

As I promised the blog is back.. I don't think I articulated very well in this video, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say.. And I'll be back soon.. :)

Enjoy the start to your Brand New Year!

Gazzy.